Wednesday, August 1, 2007
freedom
Last week I was pondering on something and I was either confused, depressed, or angry about but fortunately I'm over it now. I was thinking about death, death is one of my biggest fears at the moment because I don't want to die without having realized things that I want to do before I die. What I was confused about is whether it is worth it for me to be going to school right now because that is all I am basically doing right now. Im working and saving about 80% of what I make to pay for school and both school and work take about 85% or 90% of my time. I am going to have to be doing this for the next three years and I am not too happy because there are other more fun things that I wish I would be doing. But instead I have enslaved my self with school to have a sure chance at being able to make at least 50 thousand dollars a year and hopefully become a millionaire compared to the about 10 miserly thousand that I make right now with which I can barely do anything with for a future. I was kind of angry at myself or depressed because death is unpredictable and it can come at any moment so I was questioning myself why I was not doing something more fun with my life like traveling to different parts of the world or going out and spending time in nature but I don't make enough money and I dont have a wealthy family to be able to do any of those things so Im forced to work and work and work. But I was talking with my mom and she told me that if I should not worry about death because it is one thing that I can't control and I can not know when it will happen so I should live life by the moment and not worry about what will happen next in order to be able to enjoy that moment to the fullest and she is right.
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3 comments:
You know, Martin, I'm 22. When I was just shy of 18 (which I'm guessing is closer to your age than 22) late in my senior year of high school, I had a girlfriend and I always worried about her and I breaking up in the future, and she got tired of my being so "emo" about something that hadn't even happened yet that she dumped me.
Martin, if you worry about dying, it's just going to happen sooner. No, I'm just kidding (well, unless you're like someone who's on the run from the mafia or something in which case if you let your guard down cuz you're thinking about your death, they'll just catch you sooner.) You might however, die in another sense, worrying about what else you could be doing at this moment in your life.
I took a few years off from school, and believe me, you should stay where you are. There are a lot of good things about college. Taking courses you want to, how many you want to, meeting people, and parties! (especially at the universities; party responsibly, though, young sir.) You get so much out of being at college, and being in the work force with nothing but a high school diploma generally doesn't allow you to save enough money to build a life or even live your life and save up for college at a later time, unless you have a fat hook up somewhere. This is arguably one of the best parts of your life. Besides, wouldn't you rather finish at 22 or 23 than 26 or 27? After college, you can get a job you really want making more money. As for traveling, there's always the winter and spring breaks and the summers to come, during which you could elect not to take courses. Maybe some weekends you could even have your adventures on the trails or whatever you had in mind. ...and the 10 or 15 percent of your time you do have left for whatever else, you'll learn to use with a new found appreciation.
Someone once told me that your life isn't realizing it's full potential if you're not busy. This person was busy and they were loving their life. Someone else told me that if you're not busy, it's likely that you're not doing much that's interesting, and people won't be interested in you. If you just keep doing as many of the things you want to do with the time you have, you'll meet people, you'll love your life, and people will be more interested in you as well.
Have you ever seen the movie American Beauty? You've gotta do what makes you happy otherwise, you just feel sort of, as the main character Lester puts it, "sedated." A hollowed soul full of regret. The right thing to do isn't always the easiest thing to do, even if you're just trying to be happy.
Amen, Randy.
And, Martin, I think you get what freedom is and what it isn't. Great questions!
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